At first it was just supposed to be like, oh this is what we were doing to make money because he wasn’t making enough money to pay for his child support and everything. And after he started to like make me do it every night and stuff, I started to realise but… in my head I just, I’d drink, I’d do whatever drugs he had just to like, clear my mind so I wouldn’t think about it. Because at the time I felt like he was perfect to me, you know he was there and he’d tell me like hey you know, you’re mom doesn’t love you, no one loves you. Because they’re not looking for you and they don’t care why you sleep and like you live with me, and I take care of you what are you gonna do without me? ‘Cause you can’t get an apartment on your own, you can’t get a hotel. It was basically like I needed him and like I said, I felt that I loved him.
Physically I didn’t feel anything. But emotionally it took a toll on me, like I didn’t feel… I didn’t feel like I was a person. I felt really bad. There was nights I couldn’t sleep, there were time I thought about killing myself. I just thought about like the type of person I was, what people would think about me if they knew what I was doing, what my mom would say. Just stuff like that.
My initial feeling after it was over was sort of a relief but it was very painful. I felt a lot of pain, I didn’t know who to trust and I was just waiting for him to come back. I was thinking in my head like he’s gonna come back you know nothing’s gonna happen and then after like we got to the place and they started to interview me it’s like, I felt like I had to just let it all out. Like you just have to vent to someone and just tell them everything.
I feel like people think that they deserve it because you fall in love with someone and they make you feel that way. They make you feel less of a woman, less of a person, less of a… just less of everything when you’ve done so much that you know is un-Godly and you keep hearing those words repeated in your head. ‘You’re not nothing, no one will love you like I love you’ you start to believe it, and you start to become that person and they take control over you. So you feel like you deserve it because they tell you. And I know for me, I felt like that because like I said I wasn’t around my mom, I wasn’t around my family and I didn’t grow up in a home where this would be something that’s acceptable. When I first went home you know, I heard people talking under their breath saying ‘prostitute’ and calling me dirty and you know, that just, it makes it all so real that it was your fault. My family didn’t see it as oh she’s a victim, people see it like that. And so you really start to believe it, that it was your fault.
I think to prevent trafficking the main thing law enforcement can do is just be aware of the signs of when they see it to help girls before they get to the point where they feel like, he’s everything to them. Because I know if someone would have talked to me before, when he first started to make me do it, when I thought it was wrong. It would have prevented a lot. It would’ve helped if someone would’ve noticed the signs. A lot of cops they’ll treat you like you’re just a prostitute, they don’t talk to you like you’re a person, they don’t realise you’re a victim. And if law enforcement, they take it into consideration that you are a person that no matter what, how many men you’ve slept with or what you’re out here doing. That there’s a reason, you know, and that you… it’s not what you chose.
Courtesy of US Immigration and Customs Enforcement
